Mushrooms.... Know what you're getting into.

What I learned today.

When your buddy explains how you should go out into your property of hundreds of acres and search for mushrooms:
1. He is probably being serious.
2. If you're from the city, remember number 1 when you try calling him from your cell phone when you get lost in the hundreds of acres.
3. You won't be finding anything.

Such was my early evening after work today.

My instructions: Just head out into the woods just to the right of your house and look under all the Poplar trees... they're the tall ones with green on top.

So off I went. Couple beers in my pocket, I thought I'd surprise him with a neat ... allotment of the things (whatever a nice grouping of shrooms are called).

I soon realized that ... there were a LOT of tall trees that had green shit on the top; and thus further realized I didn't know what the fuck a Poplar was!

Working my way over several ridges in an easterly direction, and summarily getting lost, I first called my secretary to inquire if John (my Chief Deputy/boss) was sending me on some sort of snipe hunt. After her laughing was completed she advised that he wasn't kidding and with the assistance of her mate, actually instructed me to further my search.

After probing deeper into the forest, I started to think it was a conspiracy, and put a call to John's cell phone; basically border-line cussing him out for managing to have me lost on what I thought was still my own property. At this point I had no idea.

I managed to find an interesting stream though in the interim.

After another call to Carolyn, I saw where the sun was setting and headed back in that direction in the hopes of finding the house. Upon topping one ridge, I noticed the fields used by those fucking cows that I recalled the snow falling upon this winter and made for that location. Within a half hour of reaching the green fields, I saw where the fucking house was.

In conclusion:

Fuck mushrooms.

Just like fucking steak.... The goddamn store works fine for my ass!