Saturday, May 21, 2016

Why do we still blog?

(Until I figure out how to make the print on my pages larger to view, I'm going to have to type in bigger letters.)

Couple things of note for my follower(s) and wandering bored people who happen to find themselves here:

It seems Blogger can now go mobile!  Yes! You too can carry Dark Garden around with you wherever you go so you don't miss a single minute of the crazy goings on over here!  So don't miss out!  Get your mobile app today!  (I have no fucking idea how. I just saw something about managing  your mobile settings on the dashboard.)

Which comes to my next point.

Is anyone even still doing this? I mean really! (Really!) These days there are literally more people viewing a guy in Norway streaming Farming Simulator 15, planting beets, at 10:00 at night then I had as total followers throughout Dark's history!  There are thousands viewing clips of people playing with dookie in a variety of ways.  MILLIONS sit for hours watching their favorite gamer stream the latest MOBA!  Who in the wide wide world of sports is going to sit around and read dumb shit, as is spewed forth here?

Streaming and videos has taken over the current digital mindless expanse (heh) of media. All is not lost though. Can streaming videos and internet clips and ass-holes like that dickhead Tosh replace the experience that takes place in, for example, MY BACK YARD?! Pshh!  I think NOT!

I see him now back there. Billy. Crazily screeing from tree to rock to tree. Busy like a frantic bee. Engaging in quick... Oh... but here he comes again to the window.  Hold on...

("No. No Billy GODDAMNIT! I can't make him talk to you! He's pissed off. Just leave him along for now! Go back to the woods GODDAMNIT!")

He's been in a tiff the past couple of days over the Voice of Morgan Freeman refusing to speak with him about current issues involving Prince and some others.

As I was saying.  There is no stream or video to capture the flavor of Dark Garden.

Plus, where else can you get the occasional, exceedingly random and accurate review of products, places and events like here?

For some reason the most viewed blog on our site remains some review of Dollar General's lousy charcoal.  Followed by the Titty Lady series.  (...and ok.... so there was a video and song produced with that one... but it all started with a blog from over at Sis' place.)

Once again, no real topic right now, and there are other things to do; going outside to calm Billy down being the priority right now. So piss off and leave me to my business.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Because Its Time

Well well well... Anyone finding this truly has some inner geek in them.  I don't think there's been shit on here for a couple of years.  Mainly that's due to forgetting I used to write here, and second was a loss of passwords, etc.  It seems also that Blogger has also been swallowed up by Google.  I'm a little surprised that The Realm was even still around.  Makes me sort of chuckle to think of all this garbage being stored on some servers somewhere.

We're all a little older now.... Me... Sidney (and his 8-track)... Sisiggy.... Dirtman... especially Dirtman... I felt the laughter mostly faded; its harder to focus on the screen these days; there's more and more excuses to just not share anything.  I mean, why?  Can't stand any of you out there. Irritants, one and all! Pains in deez nutz!  Boils on ma' tukhus!!! 

There is, however, still a bit of enjoyment to be had when letting the demons dancing around in my head out to play.

The brethren of my backyard continue to occupy my space and time.  I feel I should briefly address some issues that have come to light.  Rumors, which I know all you sons of bitches love, abound; so I'll quell a few for now.

Yes. Prince has been by, and there is a possibility. That's all I can say about that at this time.  There are negotiations taking place just to be able to speak with David Bowie, but I have doubts there will even be a discussion.  Sis had made some suggestions as well, and I'm working on some of those.  For the most part it still, as usual, comes down to Billy (Zane... .not Mays). He continues to "govern" the back yard in addition to creating the expected amount of havoc on a daily basis.  Still, not one of those fuckers back there will feed the fucking cats when I want to leave for a few days!

That's enough for now.  No pics on this one; nothing clever. We'll see if this goes any further soon, or if I'll see you again in another year or so.

Now.  Go away.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Winter's Edge

Frankly, I'm throwing a quick blog entry on here because I have been slacking lately.  Its been a long and bitter winter, and shows no sign of stopping.  I wonder if there's corn for popp.... NO!!!!  STOP IT!!!!  JEEZ-CRISE!!!!!

So winter's been going on for a few years now.  Work grinds along as it has for the previous 27 years.  I find myself living a very slow, careful and very calculated life anymore.  That being said, I have absolutely no fucking idea where I'm going with this today's entry. 

I for one would like to complain at the complete lack of focus and appropriate topic!  So I don't write for a few months or whatever.  That's an excuse to just generate some obvious random ramblings with no set course intact??  Is it?!

No, not really.  I just thought by now something would have popped into my head, but obvio...

Obviously I don't have any idea what I'm talking about!

Winter's been pretty rough.  Maybe if we take it easy here...

Hey Heyyy!  You're the one wasting all our time here!  Fuck sakes man!

This is pretty strange you know.  Allowing a couple of the sides to sort of go at it in a free for all for a few paragraphs.  LOL.

You know I hate "LOL."  Hate it!  You throw it out there like it was a common every day accepted vocabulary word!

Well I mean Webster sort of...

Shut the fuck up! 



That's it?  That's all you got?  ...  Jeezcrise...

... The fuck are YOU all looking at?!!!  Get outta here!!!

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Muttonhead.... .... .... WTF... ...


Alone on top the mountain

Cold and wanton

Driven by demons


Seein’s easy

All appear to thee

Nightmarish apparitions

Roam so freely


I’m forced out my back door

Wander the dense woods

Colorless world surrounds me

Farther and farther

In to the depths I walk

Feel the cold chill

So sharp


Jabs so deep and

Numbing queasy

The light of reality

Fades so quickly.


Scream and a pounce!

I just can’t figure

What draws me farther

From secure standings

Spirits lament before me




Lost in the forest

Nothing pleasant calls

Unreadable graves

Fingernail moon

No fucking balls

I’m losing all.

My souls tired

In need of a rest

I search for nothing

Life’s endeavors

I’ve failed the test

It calls to feed

In all its greed,


Broken leg

We crawl so slow

Filth covered,

Sloppy dirt,

Caked grime,

Embedded stench


There’s nothing left

Last fucking call

Demon’s urge calls

I give up

I’ve lost it all…


Saturday, December 22, 2012

Christmas Island, Conn Fon Poppin & Christmas 2012!

It seemed to have all started right here:

2010 it was.  I remember it well.  Sort of. ... I remember it.   ...  I vaguely recall something about that season..  ....  

2010.  Frankly I can't remember shit about that Christmas, but my ramblings seemed to have entertained someone that fateful day.  So, I now bring to you a 2012 Christmas Rambling!  And man oh man there's some stuff to vent over!

In my attempt to get in the spirit this year (which I'm still struggling with!), I did a search on DISH for one of the two classic Christmas Carols that I enjoy; Reginald Owen (1938) or Alistair Sim (1951).  I finally found ONE viewing of the 1938 Owen classic, but if you want to see it, you'll have to get up at 4:00 a.m. on Christmas day!  Its on AMC, and that's the only broadcast this year!  You won't find the Alistair Sim classic. 

Oh, and if you're in the mood for the fun-filled musical Scrooge... Scratch that off your list too.  Its not showing anywhere.

So go enjoy your Patton plays Scrooge version (1984), which they're showing all over the place!  When you stick your hand into a bunch of goo, that was someone's figgy pudding... You'll know what to do!


On we go...

So we have our Christmas party at the Courthouse Corner Cafe', and there was a traditional round of Secret Santa... followed by several rounds of pass the rum!  Someone ("D!!!") thought it would be clever to bestow upon mine self... a big ole' honkin' jar of...

Ayuh!  Conn Fon Poppin'!!!  (AKA Corn For Poppin)  Soooo just like that offensive song we reviewed some two years ago... why... two years ago this very eve!, I am now expected to pop this shit all over the house!  THANKS!  THANKS A LOAD!!!

So!  We like Ella's Conn Fon Poppin do we?  Oh yeah... OH YEAH!!!!  Well how bout this one...


How'd ya like to spend Christmas on Christmas Island?
How'd ya like to spend the holiday away across the sea?
How'd ya like to spend Christmas on Christmas Island?
How'd ya like to hang a stocking on a great big coconut tree?

How'd ya like to stay up late, like the islanders do?
Wait for Santa to sail in with your presents in a canoe
If you ever spend Christmas on Christmas Island
You will never stray for everyday your Christmas dreams come true

How'd ya like to stay up late like the islanders do?
Wait for Santa to sail in with your presents in a canoe
If you ever spend Christmas on Christmas Island
You will never stray, for everyday your Christmas dreams come true
On Christmas Island your dreams come true!

Cute aye?  Sure it is.  Especially if you listen to the fruity Andrew Sisters belt it out.
Yessir, nice and tropically 40ish sounding... I'm all aglow with some Christmas Spirit now brutha'. 

NOW!... Lets listen to the Ella version!
BOOM BOOM BOOM!  The BITCH is BACK!!! ... and THIS time she's psychotic!!!

This chick is threatening to send your ass across the fucking ocean to some remote island! 

If you listen to the correct version, you'll even hear the poor sap she's trying to lure in to her web of holiday-hell crying out for release!  She teases him with taking his turkey away.  The guy notices there's no mistletoe!  He panics!  She smiles!

If you listen carefully, you hear him cry to the Lordy above that he doesn't want to be on that island.  He's not falling for that bullshit line about Santa rowin' his fatass on shore either.  This poor bastard is in a cold sweat of sheer panic, mindlessly nailing his socks to a tree in the hopes that the next time she walks by, she'll take him back to the mainland. 

Don't you get it people?  She just keeps walking past him singing that shit over and over, then retreats into the jungle, only to reappear in the dead of night.  She's dirty and gets dirtier as the days go by.  The madness in her eyes have a scream of their own.  Her hair is disheveled, and soon he smells her coming long before he hears her; now croaking the same line, "On Christmas Island your dreams come true!"
Its day 37, and there's barely any resemblance to a female human being.  Her tattered clothing hangs on her like rags; stained of her own excrement, blood and fish scales.

There is no humanity here.  The popping corn is ages away and long gone.  This is Christmas Island and she's glad to have you here.
She's hell bent and outta control!
If you ever spend Christmas there... You won't stray!  You won't EVER stray!

Happy Holidays!

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Glenn Beck Continues... and thankfully so...

Ok.. The verdict is in... The chin hair... ... (softly now) ... it is real.

Glenn's doin' some chin hair thing.

He also wears some crazy denim at times.  It fits his crazy, wacky method of passing on his message.  His message... and his teams message.

At times I would like to join in the masses and proclaim Glenn a paranoid madman; I think mostly because his team seems so totally "out there" and his conclusions and predictions are scary.  They are larger than life and often unbelievable.  However, Glenn (and his denim and chin hair) are tragically spot on.  You can make any excuse whatsoever to not watch, listen or research what his team is saying.  Frankly I don't care.  (My fucking blog and all that.)  I challenge my dear lurkers to perhaps take a look.  I try to keep my mind open, but find it difficult to at times. 

I almost tend to agree with a friend of mine who claims Chris Matthews is evil.... no... EEEVILL.  (Conservative democrat my nut-sak, baby!)  I don't think he's evil, just misguided and a little overfilled with hubris perhaps. Why bring up Ole' Chris here? Why now?  Well... ya know... my fuckin' blog and all that shit... annnnd I really don't like the creep... Not sure why... Jusssssst think he's a creep.  .... That's where he'll in the Darkgarden... a creep.  Chris Matthews da' creeep.  Nope!  Don't know him personally.  Frankly, wouldn't give him the time of day if he walked up to me.. Unless it was at my sister's and my cafe'... annnnd he'd have to be buyin something more than a fuckin' jar of our goddamn sauerkraut or strawberry-fuckin'-syrup!!!  Laws yes!!!  Hear dat Chris?!! Doya boy?!!!  BEST be buyin' you some mu-fuckin' Reuben Samich's n' large bag o Rt.11 chips and 5 mu-fuckin' Hispanic fuckin' COKES!... BITCH!!!  So... (I do digress often) ... until Chris Matthews comes over to the cafe and orders him some Reuben, chips and 5 fuckin' cokes... he won't be gettin' the time o day here!


Hey... Look... I don't propose in any way to have the ultimate answer, nor do I think I've got the total picture on our nation.  I know what I feel... and what I feel is usually pretty fucking close to reality and the truth of a matter.  I'm using my own little personal forum here to offer a laurel and hardy handshake to one of my consistent heros.... You slay me, dawg!... Glenn (chin hair) Beck.

Rock on... with... that... chin hair and denim and shit....

The rest of you lurkers!....   (wait for it!!!).... .... .... PISS OFF!

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Glenn Beck Back on Blaze

To appropriately celebrate the event, please click on this link and allow the celebratory music to play while reading!

Glenn Beck is back for our regular television viewing!!!  At least on DISH channel 212 - BLAZE!

From what I have found out thus far, BLAZE is being offered free for a limited time for some of DISH's packages, and will eventually go ala carte at some point for something like $5.00 per month (if you don't have whatever package it falls into).

Aside of wishing the individuals operating the television cameras would take a Valium before show time, I liked the initial show I viewed.  I can honestly say I preferred the flavor and flow of the method he used when he was on FOX, and his panel bored me at times.  There was a connection he used to make that was not present on the show I viewed on BLAZE.

I'm also not sure if my picture is a little off because BLAZE is not HD, but it looks like Glenn needs to shave his chin.  AGAIN!... It might just be a tv thing.... or...  maybe... ... ya know.... chin ... (clearing throat) ... chiiiiin...   chin chin chin... ahem... Jeezuscrise! Glen!  Shave that fuckin' thing!

(Author's note:  In reviewing the program extensively for analysis of Beck Chin Hair; I believe I was in error regarding said hair, and there is no presence of same.  This author apologizes for even hinting at the presence of unshaven Beck Chin Hair, but also realizes that this rather dry blog entry could use a little flavor... and thus we're gonna shoot the shit a bit 'bout that chin.

Ayuh... CHIN!  Gonna shoot the mutha' luvin' shit o'er some Chin Activity.  Like the Tet Offensive... The Chin Offensive... Chin O' Beck!  
Chin With A Frown! 
Don't POKE at that body on the way down!

See how quickly a concept can dissolve into an utterly alternate bizarre paradigm?

We are now all chillin' with chin. 

Chill with Chin. ...

Chill with Chin O' Beck!

The... Creme Fraiche Controversial Chin O' Glenn! .... Glenn....  Glenn Beck, baby...

...annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd ....

that's all I got...

piss off