Dollar General, True Living, Charcoal ... FUUUCK!

Ok …friends(snicker) acquaintances and the curious who find their way here, it’s time for another round of Darkgarden vs. The Corporation-Who-Is-Begging-For-It!!!

Dollar General – True Living – Charcoal.

I already realize that those of you who know me are already asking, “What the fuck are you doing using some under-rated charcoal to do your grilling/bbqing with anyway?!”

I have learned to always give the no-name stuff a try from time to time; especially the up and coming items who are striving for perfection. However, in this case I also learned that sometime you end up with what you pay for (which is the best percentage to play, but putting it up against a small investment change, I thought I’d take the dive).

I gotta tell you knuckleheads out there, I sometimes try not to bash something into the ground with ridiculous shock-value type language and descriptions, and in this case I was especially trying not to make the blog entry go that way. (Because FUCK knows I sure don’t want to go offending my single digit number of readers who probably mainly read my blog as one visits a freak show! You common sonsobitches! SHIT!... See?! See?!!! See what happens?! It is the fault of you all!!! PISS OFF!!! .. Wait. .. Not yet… Wait for it…)

Anyway… Dollar General – True Living – Charcoal.

I would have had a picture of the bag, but I thought someone would have a pic online I could grab, and the one bag I had (which has been with me for about a year) finally met its demise in flames out back.

I wrote to Dollar General about this particular True Living release of theirs. Face it. We know who the target buyer is for these items. I won’t mention it here, because it opens things up for all sorts of jagoff rebuttals, but you fucknutz who read me regularly know the deal. The stranger to the site would also be amiss if they didn’t realize the aggressive language is not geared to the reader, but to the subject at which I point this hostility at (of which I cannot seem to control.)

The basic point here?

Dollar General – True Living – Charcoal smells and tastes like you cooked your food (any type… I literally tried several types because I couldn’t fucking believe what I was experiencing!) in a pile of long, slow burning aged tires that have been previously soaked in the juice of large, decomposing mammals for about a year. Now, that is a description used in the nicest way I can put it. The tires would have to be soaking in the bodily fluids in a large sealed container, but only at about a constant temperature of 70 degrees. Now, if some drunk security guard happened by the bins, barrels, containers or whatever it was aging in, and happened to vomit the entire contents of a huge meal of pizza and boxed wine… that would fit in just fine. Take the delicately seasoned tire and light that bitch on fire. Get it good and smokey. Place that nice $15.00 rack-o-mutha-fuckin’-ribs on it and ENJOY!!!

THANKS DOLLAR GENERAL!!! YOU SHO’ DO A FINE JOB FOR YOUR CUSTOMERS!!!
YOU COMMON FUCKS! LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! NOW GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!!... umm.. you too readers… PISS OFF!