Cows. We got cows.

Yet another daily reminder of the hell I live in, are these fucking LIVING pieces of beef, that I'd love nothing better to do than shove their hardly warmed meat into my waiting gut!

I'm surrounded by these fucking farm fiends 24/7... and even have to go out of MY way to open and close various gates (the number of which depends on the time of year here at hell house) to get the fuck away from the house!

Now I see they mock me. Yes they do. Here's one that escaped the main coven to breech the main prison house, just long enough to shit in a few places and eat some of my mown grass (at least the fucker did that!):

Look at that beefy sonofawhore!!! Right in my fucking front yard! By the walkway I just muthafuckin' weed-ate!!! Starin' at me! Shittin' and starin' at me!!!!!!!!

I hope to eat him soon!

Fat Fuck Burger

May I present to you, the newest in Mr. Nick's line of recipes. It was named by "Ten" last night after its preparation. The Fat Fuck Burger is all about the use of Fat-Back. Johnboy would be so very pleased.



FAT FUCK BURGER

• Pounds of Chop Meat (80/20 pref., but any will work)


• Onion finely chopped (or powder if you're out of fresh) to taste.


• Garlic finely diced (or powder... ) to taste


• Worchesterstershistershire Sauce


• Ketchup


• Kosher Salt


• Ground Pepper


• Swiss Cheese
• Fat Back (no cheating with bacon or any of that simple, non-complex shit!)Top w. Mayo,
• Ketchup, Mustard, HOT SAUCE!, and whatever else.

Set your burger out for about a half hour to warm up. Mix all your shit in with it and let it sit another half hour. (Good time to prep your grill and get it going.) Fry your fat back up in a pan and have it ready to go onto the burger. Cook it to your desired level.

Make your patties into at least 1/3 lb. pieces and have them ready.

Slap onto medium high to high heat section of your grill (depending on how your grill works), and I'd make 'em as bloody as you can inside with a nice crisp outside (but you can kill them if you must; it won't hurt).

Cheese goes on the last minute.

Remove and let them rest a few, then pile on the buns w. extras... this is where you pile on the Fat Back!

Chow down on that Fat Fuck and wait for the heart attack another day!!! Mr. Nick says to enjoy!!!

Day of Death

What an interesting story, possibly worth mentioning in passing.

July 4, 2010 started with some major panic over a snake discovered in my garage. After bellowing out an animalistic guttural scream, I attacked the serpent with everything I could think of from long distance. (I opted out of using the shotgun, though reached for in passing, as I figured the ricochets might cause some personal damage that would be quite difficult to explain to the snowboyz. The same reasoning opted out the Glock .40.)

A hose and various chemicals ended up causing nothing more than a mystery as to where the fucker slithered, but managed to leave an ingrained memory.

This morning, after the Departure Of The Boyz, I was down and blue; on the downhill side of melancholy actually.

I decided to attack the entire house once again with every chemical I had on hand starting with the garage.

This I did, and continued all around the house, as I have done several times prior.

It was at that time I noticed the mummified birds of sorrow.

Yes. As I worked my way around the house, I once again passed over what I thought to be an old unoccupied bird nest, and continued spraying shit all over the place. For whatever reason on this passing, I gazed higher and looked further into the nesting area. There I saw a bird preserved in death staring back at me with blackened eyes. I knew immediately I was responsible for yet another senseless unintended destructive death. Destroyed and preserved in death before me was a young little birdy, forever preserved to stare at the unknown assailant that took his ass out of existence.

That was enough to toss some over the edge.

I popped on Leaving Las Vegas and after watching the whole fucking thing, contemplated what to do at that point.

I decided to start by digging a grave and documenting it.

When that was completed, I went to immortalize the little birdy for posterity.
At this point, my fears spiraled. As this is what I discovered:

TWO LIVING BIRDIES!!!

.... That I had JUST doused with fucking poison!!!

UN-MOTHER-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE!!!

Should these shadows fade. like the rest of this cursed fucking place where nothing else other than death matters,.... The grave shall be filled.... and may the rest of us rest in HELL.

No.... More.... PAINT!!!

I'm totally fine with not seeing a paint brush or roller for about the next 20 years or so.

However... I know the living room and bedroom are coming soon.

The finished product is:

Hell's Kitchen

In the ongoing preparation for winter, I figured among other things that I better get some color in this dreary place. What I thought was a mild red, ended up being something completely different, but very much up my ally.

I present to you shit collected during the transformation. Completed pics are forthcoming. Thank you Tom Waits for your inspiration.