Schwinn, Pump, Worthless PIECE OF SHIT!!!!

Schwinn Quality?

Well reader(s), here’s another probably useless review of a totally random object that has come across my path.

Note that the last one was Summer Oreo cookies, which I spared you the review of and went straight to the source. Mainly because I like Oreo cookies and all of those by Nabisco, however… When you start tasting dye in the tasty cookie cream I think someone oughta say something. (It still boggles me that NO ONE in quality control could taste the blue dye.)

BUT!... That’s water under the bridge. (Another saying I hear a lot, which I have discovered REALLY means -> “Water under the bridge which-I’m-really-falsly-saying-just-to-appease-you..."

As my bird says daily, “FUCK-A-YOU!!!”

Where was I?

OH yes… Schwinn…

So I go to Walmart (because I still go there with the theory that I can’t beat them) and get what I thought was a high end bicycle pump.

Schwinn.

Can’t beat it. Right?

The FUCK!!!

All around pump w. a guage and a 5-in-1 nozzle! HELLS YEAH! RIGHT?!

WRONG!!!!!!

I get this bad-boy all unpacked and attempt to blow up a mutha-fuckin’ riding mower tire (OH! HEY! DEAR {and undear} READERS… THE WHOLE RIDING MOWER STORY IS ANOTHER ONE WORTH WRITING ABOUT SOME DAY… W. MUCH MIRTH FOR ALL!)

RIGHT… so where was I?... … … … AHH! Right!...

So I get this SCHWINN TOP OF THE MUTHA-FUCKIN’ LINE PUMP out… and the sum-bitch has more fucking garbage to deal with than unpacking a mutha’ fuckin’ refrigerator from mutha’ fuckin’ Lowes or wherever!!!

I had to tear this bitch apart 15 ways to the apocalypse and back and NEVER got it to work right!

You know that stupid fucking lever you gotta bend over to lock on your mutha’fuckin’ bike wheel so you can pump it up? (Think back to when you were able to be or think like a kid and had a bike.) Well on this high dollar SCHWINN (with QUALITY!) pump, this stupid lever did nothing. NOTHING!

The entire workings (which here means where the air-giving-nozzle hits the air deprived hole) come apart in pieces, and no matter HOW you put them back together (YEAH I SAW YOUR WORTHLESS FUCKING DIAGRAM!) it doesn’t work correctly!!!

SO! Because it’s my fucking space in nothing-that-matters-at-all, I hereby proclaim that SCHWINN’s bike pump with the 5-IN-1 NOZZLE sucks my ever loving, now tanned, SACK!!!!!!!

PISS OFF SCHWINN!!!! SEE IF I BUY ONE OF YOUR FUCKING SECOND RATE FUCKING BIKES AGAIN!

The rest of you… GET THE FUCK OFF MY BLOG!!!