http://releasethedark.blogspot.com/2010/12/oh-weather-outside-is-frightful-but.html
2010 it was. I remember it well. Sort of. ... I remember it. ... I vaguely recall something about that season.. ....
2010. Frankly I can't remember shit about that Christmas, but my ramblings seemed to have entertained someone that fateful day. So, I now bring to you a 2012 Christmas Rambling! And man oh man there's some stuff to vent over!
In my attempt to get in the spirit this year (which I'm still struggling with!), I did a search on DISH for one of the two classic Christmas Carols that I enjoy; Reginald Owen (1938) or Alistair Sim (1951). I finally found ONE viewing of the 1938 Owen classic, but if you want to see it, you'll have to get up at 4:00 a.m. on Christmas day! Its on AMC, and that's the only broadcast this year! You won't find the Alistair Sim classic.
Oh, and if you're in the mood for the fun-filled musical Scrooge... Scratch that off your list too. Its not showing anywhere.
So go enjoy your Patton plays Scrooge version (1984), which they're showing all over the place! When you stick your hand into a bunch of goo, that was someone's figgy pudding... You'll know what to do!
Right!
On we go...
So we have our Christmas party at the Courthouse Corner Cafe', and there was a traditional round of Secret Santa... followed by several rounds of pass the rum! Someone ("D!!!") thought it would be clever to bestow upon mine self... a big ole' honkin' jar of...
So! We like Ella's Conn Fon Poppin do we? Oh yeah... OH YEAH!!!! Well how bout this one...
CHRISTMAS ISLAND!
How'd ya like to spend Christmas on Christmas Island?
How'd ya like to spend the holiday away across the sea?
How'd ya like to spend Christmas on Christmas Island?
How'd ya like to hang a stocking on a great big coconut tree?
How'd ya like to stay up late, like the islanders do?
Wait for Santa to sail in with your presents in a canoe
If you ever spend Christmas on Christmas Island
You will never stray for everyday your Christmas dreams come true
How'd ya like to stay up late like the islanders do?
Wait for Santa to sail in with your presents in a canoe
If you ever spend Christmas on Christmas Island
You will never stray, for everyday your Christmas dreams come true
On Christmas Island your dreams come true!
Cute aye? Sure it is. Especially if you listen to the fruity Andrew Sisters belt it out.
Yessir, nice and tropically 40ish sounding... I'm all aglow with some Christmas Spirit now brutha'.
NOW!... Lets listen to the Ella version!
BOOM BOOM BOOM! The BITCH is BACK!!! ... and THIS time she's psychotic!!!
This chick is threatening to send your ass across the fucking ocean to some remote island!
If you listen to the correct version, you'll even hear the poor sap she's trying to lure in to her web of holiday-hell crying out for release! She teases him with taking his turkey away. The guy notices there's no mistletoe! He panics! She smiles!
If you listen carefully, you hear him cry to the Lordy above that he doesn't want to be on that island. He's not falling for that bullshit line about Santa rowin' his fatass on shore either. This poor bastard is in a cold sweat of sheer panic, mindlessly nailing his socks to a tree in the hopes that the next time she walks by, she'll take him back to the mainland.
Don't you get it people? She just keeps walking past him singing that shit over and over, then retreats into the jungle, only to reappear in the dead of night. She's dirty and gets dirtier as the days go by. The madness in her eyes have a scream of their own. Her hair is disheveled, and soon he smells her coming long before he hears her; now croaking the same line, "On Christmas Island your dreams come true!"
Its day 37, and there's barely any resemblance to a female human being. Her tattered clothing hangs on her like rags; stained of her own excrement, blood and fish scales.
There is no humanity here. The popping corn is ages away and long gone. This is Christmas Island and she's glad to have you here.
She's hell bent and outta control!
If you ever spend Christmas there... You won't stray! You won't EVER stray!
