Bring Out Your Dead!!!

"…trying to bury their dead."

Now I’ll give you this much (and for some of the blind, I’ll WARN YOU), that our country is in some really serious trouble.
However… I’m just thinking… that whenever you hear commentary that includes the verbiage, “…trying to bury their dead,” shit has GOT to be really fucked up beyond anything we want to experience.

I was just sitting here, hanging out, trying to do anything with my blog to keep it up to date (with what I had NO idea), and I heard that line on some news blip, that I still haven't heard since.

It struck me that it was uttered with the same emphasis that one would suggest we purchase a softer toilet tissue to clean our ass with, or whether or not I wanna step on a Sham-Wow when I get out of the shower… or chop shit up with a SlapChop (you’re gonna love my nuts).

So in that context I now have a dilemma of three things:
1. Where do I bury “THE DEAD?” (Oh man… Plural!)
2. What tissue do I clean my ass with?
3. Do I really need to worship a guy named Vince, and all that he has to offer?

How in the hell did this become an equally enthusiastic question in my life?!

We’re talking about the disposal of multiple corpses and not having a location available that subsequently warrants the question of where to put them!... AND!.... Whatdaya wipe yo’ ass with?... AND!!!... Am I gonna love Vince’s nuts? I don’t want to love Vince’s nuts!!! I got a pile of fucking dead people here! I ain’t got time for Vince's fucking nuts!

So, mayhap I’m just looking at things in a strange perspective, or perhaps a perspective that is being ushered unto us all for undo equal consideration.

Where the hell are we heading?

I’m viewing a commercial now where a fucking reptile is telling me to let him insure my driving because he’s pop-culture. That was followed by a credit card company wanting me to go into debt for a shit load of Vikings and a singing fucking goat!

We have GOT to be the laughing stock of the fucking world.

…and I have NO idea where that fucking poor sap is supposed to bury their dead!

Hmm... My Blog Pic

My blog pic is freaking me out.

I realized I've been staying away from my own blog because of it.

I must contemplate this for awhile.

.... Then I'll probably have enough sense to change the picture to something else.

Glenn Beck with a visiting Billy Zane or Billy Mays perhaps is sounding good.

We'll see.

Jeff Probst DID Fart... I am SO sorry Jeff.

...but that shit was SO fucking funny!!!

Luckily, I had it all on HDTV and on my DVR so it could be reviewed countless times.

Ok... For anyone who is in the dark...
On the final Survivor this season, Jeff is interviewing Terry Bradshaw, and in the midst of the interview (this part of the show was live), you can see discomfort on Jeff's face... His jaw starts to tighten, his lips purse, and then he lets a lil audible POOT fly.
HOLY SHIT! It was so funny!!! Right as the poot goes off, his eyes wince shut as well.

The follow up reactions of Jeff and Jimmy I believe verify this act further.

Jeff let one fly on live TV, and it was fucking hiliarious. Needed the laugh.

Luckily, I also saved the DVR of it (and will for awhile).

I am pretty sorry I posted this, as the poor fucker probably really had to let one loose to go and do it on live TV, however, I've been through some pretty fucking uncomfortable shit in my day as well, and I'm not getting paid shit loads of money for it... sooooo... Laugh it up!

LET IT SNOW - What it REALLY means...

Oh the weather outside is frightful
But the fire is so delightful
And since we've no place to go
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

It doesn't show signs of stopping
And I've bought some corn for popping
The lights are turned way down low
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

When we finally kiss goodnight
How I'll hate going out in the storm!
But if you'll really hold me tight
All the way home I'll be warm

The fire is slowly dying
And, my dear, we're still goodbying
But as long as you love me so
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!


Greetings reader(s).

This weekend, in a rare burst of jovial holiday spirit, I popped on the classic Christmas song channel on DISH, and commenced to decorate a tree I had purchased the day before.

I gotta tell you, I was feeling downright good. Was really enjoying the day.

Great part of the festivities was watching my boyz walk in the door and looking at me like Ebenezer Scrooge’s house-maid looked at him the morning after he woke up realizing he hadn’t missed Christmas (and the spirits had done it all in one night).

I exacerbated their confusion by yelling, just a little too loudly, cheers of Christmas greetings and merriment. (Ala Jimmy Stewart.)

Once the laughing was over, they (and their friend they brought along – who is also used to my eccentric performances) settled down in peaceful comfort; Lucas napping soundly in front of the fire while Trev and friend settled in to some World Of Warcraft.

All was right with the world… UNTIL…. Let It Snow came on.

Ella Fitzgerald was cranking it out, so there was that amount of respect going on, and I didn’t think too much on it until… I thought about it…. And…. Realized…

Whoever it was (I didn’t attribute it to Ella. She was just singing about the act), but whoever it was… Brought some corn for poppin’.

Some chick…. Brought Some FUCKIN' Corn For Poppin.

I don’t know what snapped inside of me at that point, but the entire song took on a whole dark theme. Understand, however, that normally I would rejoice at such an event.

That day, as today, it was not welcome, and now has slid into the concept of funny. So I’m now going to drag this poor, simple song through the garden… because I can!

Right.

So… Here we go…

Let It Snow

Obviously the weather is starting to suck outside, and this chick singing away is noting this, but also singing the praises of the fellow’s interior setting. (She's diggin' his fire, and fine rugs and furnishings.) Also adding her own chant to make the weather grow in intensity.

“It doesn’t show signs of stopping…”

So now she’s a meteorologist and is working her wicked wiles on the poor fellow.

AND! This is where it all goes south:

“I’VE BROUGHT SOME CORN FOR POPPING.”

People (or person… or… just me re-reading this next year), I ask you to explain why the fuck this woman decided to bring along some corn for popping!

Can you do it?!

What was she doing sneaking in some fucking snack into the house that would require preparation and some sort of ritual to prepare? VERY presumptuous, says I!!!

“The lights are turned way down low.”

They are?!
By who?!!
So now she’s also walking around the house turning lights off?
It seems so! About the same time she starts that weather chant again about the weather building its fury.

“When we finally kiss goodnight, How I’ll hate going out in the storm…”

Yeah? Too bad!
At this point the poor fellow has GOT to be thinking he’s doomed.

She pulls out a tricky line next with, “But if you really hold me tight, all the way home I’ll be warm.”
Hmm… Does this chick think I’M going out in that cold shit WITH her???!!! She’s outta her damn mind!

“The fire is slowly dying…” Our poor man is really pissed at this point, because while she was walking around the house turning off lights and chanting for bad weather, she couldn’t get her lazy ass to toss a fuckin’ log into the fireplace?
Of course not. Our prima-donna wouldn’t dream of lifting a finger to help keep the place warm! She’s too busy toting corn around that the poor son-of-a-bitch has to pop for her now!!!


“But as long as you love me so…”
WHAT?!!!
GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY HOUSE, TAKE YOUR CORN, AND TAKE YOUR DAMN VAMPIRIC CLAWS OUTTA MY BACK!!!
OH! AND IF YOU’RE GONNA THROW SHIT AT ME, MAKE IT A CHUNK OF WOOD SO I CAN GET MY FUCKIN’ FIRE GOING AGAIN! BITCH!


Ok. So that’s what ran through my head when I heard the song and decided to analyze what it was about.

I asked some people around work today about their thoughts about the gal bringing some corn for popping. Some (ok… FEW) saw my point. Most… Well most reacted as they usually do when I bring up some strange concept. This results in funny looks, sometimes nervous laughter, and me being suddenly alone.

There you have it though, and I stand on my feelings.

Further note that when you have a man singing it (Like our Lord Frank’s version) all of this goes out the window.

So, for now, Happy Holidays!

...and stay tuned for my rantings on, "... For the Holidays you can't beat Home Sweet Home."

I'm sure you can just imagine where THAT one's gonna go!

Peace n' Love KNUCKLEHEADS! Now.... GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!

No Country For Old Libertarians

Was hanging out at my second home (FOX NEWS) away from home... well... if I had a "home," ... and the following sort of speaks for itself. Its just fucking hiliarous. I'm not trying to make any political point here, just pointing out something that I KNOW quite a few more out there HAD to have also notice.

I just wanna know... If you go and piss Nick Gillespie off (he's a head editor for reason.tv, and frankly, an educated fine speaker), does he break out that fucked up killing instrument that was used in No Country For Old Men?!!!

(And hey! Did I ever tell you all that I officially own a shirt from that film?... HEEE!!!!)

Ok fan(s). YOU make the call! ROFLMFAO!!!!...

Nick Gillespie

Anton Chigurh

CBS Parade Coverage

I should have known better.

I have NO idea what I was thinking.

Well, yeah I do... I thought it would be neat to pop the parade on and catch a few marching bands and see some of the visitors in New York... So far its been nothing but garbage. I mean some SERIOUS garbage!

I can't make it to the parade. I switched over the the city where all da' brothers love each other on ABC (not that I'm any sort of fan of that network).

CBS - Miley Fucking Cyrus? Come onnnnn!!!!! Makes me wanna shove a turkey up someone's ass! ... Then... like... take it back out and prepare it in the oven... and feed it to Miley and the entire staff over at CBS... with some bum gravy on top! Eat up Maggie!!!

At least over in Philly their doing live stuff w. normal looking performers and not-so-perfect performances. They toss a band or two in there, and I'll feel as if I saved a few of my remaining brain cells.

Ooops... Goodbye ABC too! Couldn't even get this thing posted before ABC's coverage went to shit as well.

Its cool... Found a James Bond marathon going on. That'll work for some ambient media while I putz around the house.

Hmmm.. I guess I need some sort of picture in this thing...

Ok...

Beer Basted Boar...

I could think of a more awesome way to celebrate the this past holiday...
Wait...
Nevermind.. Yeah I could...

HOWEVER!... A great ambient household and the proper food preparations...
That shit goes a long way for me...
Lady(ies) and/or gentleman(men)... Beer Basted Boar Ribs...

I give you the before......and after...