no more cold no more snow

Here’s a fucking white nightmare ramble.

Words can right now not describe the anxiety, anger, hatred, restlessness and panic I feel while sitting here writing this load of shit.

White! Every mutha’ fucking thing around me is white!!! The walls, this fucking hell-house, the fucking shit falling in droves outside the window and the blankness in my mind as I try to find a path to solace from this cold, heartless and barren place.

The white shit falls as if mocking me. I think it has its own thoughts and every flake whispers negative chants. Collectively they make up a white dirge ushering those who start to weaken.

Fucking white shit everywhere!!! It can’t wait for me to come out and shovel the ¼ mile or so that keeps me from panic. Panic that I can’t escape.

I can’t escape!!!

Fucking fireplace. Ain’t worth a shit today! Sitting there as if it is joining the mocking of the white shit outside! My hands and arms shake in…. what?.... anger? Plain old being pissed the fuck off!!!

This fucking cursed land!!!!!! I spit and shoot forth every toxic chemical within my body at you!!!!!! That’d be one helluva gross scene too!

Obviously, any attempt at writing with any sense is out the window I see. I guess it went out in the third paragraph. Didn’t last long. Like this fucking white shit falling outside!!!! It’s lasting plenty long! Oh yeah… and plenty fucking deep again!!!! I just wanna get outta here man! I’m gonna get outta here soon man, and I’ll tell you what… Fuck you all… Fuck you! There’s no fucking WAY I’m ever coming back anywhere NEAR here!!!! You fucking white shit falling mutha fuckers!!!!!!!! Fuck you!!!!

Every time I turn around and gaze out the window… it still falls. More and more. NONE OF THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! YOU HEAR ME?!! YOU FUCK! I was not supposed to end up here like this!!!!! Fucking shit man! Fuck you all!!!! FUCK YOU!!!!!

SONSOBITCHES!!!!!!!!

I can’t find any reason right now not to go ahead and put in my resignation, pull my fucking pittance of a retirement and get the fuck out of here. I’ll piss on the last patch of soil upon my departure and leave a curse on the land if I weren’t in my right mind!!!!!!! I’d settle for a mere departure from this land though.

Thankful?!!! Thankful for nothing, fucks!!! You could stick me fucking anywhere other than this place and I’d flourish 100% more effectively. I think deep down somewhere my heart remains true and good, and for that many should be thankful, cause I’d love to unleash some dark-angel type shit right about now. Fortunately or unfortunately, I don’t want anything negative released upon anyone, and so I just let it fester within until I find a safe outlet. My steam release valve is straining, and I feel every square inch of pressure, baby!!!

Look at the horses at Gulfstream. How pretty today. The grass is green and everything seems so normal. I could be a jockey…. Just toss my fuckin’ cookies for the next few weeks and eat nothing but mutha fuckin’ brussel sprouts or something. Then I could ride one of them 80-1 four-legged fuckers around the track! It’d be better than this shit! This white barren shit hole life!

My last memory of being back home was sitting on the little hearth of our fireplace wondering what the fuck was about to happen. A huge part of me, I think, haunts that location. I think when I leave this fucking world, the last bit of innocence that I had will strengthen in that location. Maybe that’s how some ghosts come into being as we know them.

Ok, that wasn’t the last memory of being back home, but the most memorable. The last memory was pulling out, driving one of those big-ass fucking U-haul trucks heading for Virginia. How fucking funny, I’m just realizing. I don’t think I was old enough to drive one, but there were two, and I was the driver for one of them. It seems I’ve been driving those fucking whore-hound vehicles ever since. My life has become one long fucking U-haul drive that never ends!!! YEAH!!! Fuck that! My ghost won’t be on that hearth back home! It’ll be in the cab of a fucking U-haul mutha’ fuckin’ truck!!! It’ll be in the cab of every mutha-fuckin’ U-haul type truck everywhere in the country!!! Wherever a family is packing up and movin’ on… I’ll be there with them! Forever riding in that cab to the new location!!!

Sonsobitches!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKIN’SHITS!!!!!!!!!!!FUCKIN’UHAULMUTHAFUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

U-hauls carry a lot of baggage with them too, don’t they?!!! Yeah they do!!! They got sugar bowls, and dishes, and boxes galore!!! Wonderments containing more and more mysteries as hours turn to days, and days to years and years to decades and BEYOND!!!! Can you imagine the glory!!!! Centuries old boxes of STUFF of SHIT of FETID PAST PUTRID SHIT waiting to be discovered and brought back to life!!!! OH the ecstasy!!!!!!! YOU FUCKING PUTRID MUTHA FUCKERS!

Fuck all of you.

More shit to do with your fucking butts.

If you're like me, which you most definitely are NOT, you probably wonder what variety of things you can do with a fuckin' butt of pork. I know I have been looking for a little variety lately. So... watch this dude, or get lost, or whichever is your fancy. You probably don't belong here anyway, so .... just go get lost will ya.

Remember, not knowing how to cook, is like not knowing how to fuck! (Unless, of course, you excel in fucking someone over!... Then you probably cook like shit to begin with!)

Thanks to Mt Laur for the inspiration of this post on such a fucked up day.

Traversing The Darkgarden with Leonard Dinnabell

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Haiti - Looking for my Tsutsi!

Has anyone seen Tsutsi Embongwater? She was last seen on the streets in Delmas with her chickens. Please find Tsutsi for me.

Birdseye, Steamfresh, Meals for Two!!!

One more time:

Steamfresh, Birdseye, Meals For Two: Roasted Chicken in Honey Chipotle Sauce

Those of you out there who know me, also KNOW that for me to post an article about certain foodstuffs, that its either gonna be really good or really awful.

So here's my story:

I hesitantly decided to include, among my collection of Birdseye frozen vegetables, the above named meal during my last shopping trip. I thought it might be nice to cheat one evening and fix myself an already prepared frozen meal. Not being accustomed to eating these things, I figured it couldn't be all that bad. I also figured that since it was Birdseye, it would actually be pretty good. They usually do very well with their fresh frozen veggies.

My first warning should have been that you microwave this thing. I didn't heed said warning though.

Sunday night came and I thought it would make a nice easy meal. Popped it in the wave, and a short time later the bag (after turning it a couple times) was ready for opening.

So I dumped it onto a plate and gave it a sniff. The aroma was not pleasing, but not sickening.

Then I dug in.

and.... then....

"HO-LY SHIT!!!" I said aloud to no one at all, except my white fucking walls (of which I won't go off on about here because its a very long story which wouldn't end nice, and which I did actually post on here once, but removed it w/in 24 hours because of its vehemence toward others).

I have NO idea to this day what Birdseye was thinking, or what chef managed to get this mess past quality control. The peppers were slimy, the chicken over cooked with a nasty seasoning, and the sauce tasted like thick cleaning solution.

So what did I do?

I took another bite of that shit because I couldn't believe my fucking senses!

Unfortunately my senses were tuned in just fine. Same slimy, thick cleaning solution over noodles.

I started laughing at the horrid plate of shit before me and did the next thing that came to mind; taking a picture of that pile o' shit!

So, anyone out there that is considering any of these Steamfresh meals: DON'T DO IT! I know I didn't try any of the other ones, but I have a REAL strong suspicion that that thick cleaning solution is gonna be all over the other ones too.

I now present to you the contents of my plate before being dumped into the trash.

Hey Birdseye! If you want me to, like, say, REMOVE this worthless blog entry... I could use a few months of your fresh frozen veggies! Until then, I'll just boycott you guys for awhile and spread the good word on Steamfresh!

Even sounds like what you gotta do after a big meal.... Man.... that shit I took was STEAMFRESH!

PEACE to my loyal readers who are welcome here.